This was not a post I intended to write. This "Biblical Womanhood" thing was supposed to be a trilogy (because all good things come in 3's, right?). But there's more.
(As a refresher, you can read Parts 1, 2, and 3, here, here, and here respectively)
I've always considered myself a feminist. I'm strong, and fiercely independent. I'm athletic, I can play sports and keep up with the boys. I can do things on my own, I don't need any man to carry my luggage for me, or to help me change a flat, or to validate me. I am my own woman.
Furthermore, all women need to have this realization - All women need to understand that they can empower themselves by taking action, standing up to men, that they themselves are capable (perhaps with a little outside assistance) of freeing themselves from this perpetual suppression by men. One of the best ways to achieve development and freedom is to empower women, and to make them equal with men. Right?
But the thing is, I'm not independent at all (much as I fancy myself as such)! I'm entirely dependent. I'm not my own at all - I belong entirely to God (you do too, whether you realize it or not)! All those things above - all those things are lies. Lies of the enemy and of the world. I can't keep up with boys (at least not all of them), I can't do things on my own, I do need help. This whole "independent" thing I've been striving for and basing my entire life on, it's actually really bad. Because everything I have has been given by the Gracious God, and everything I can do is only through the Lord Almighty.
While empowering women is great, the flip side of that issue is how we portray men. By portraying men as perpetually hedonistic animals who will always suppress women without the checks of government, or moral/ethical codes strictly imposed, and women as strong, enabled, people who must overthrow this culture of oppresion, we are hurting both men AND women.
And I'm totally guilty of this. I do it often. I play the victim who has overcome because that's what culture tells me I need to do, and I see men in my head as horrible human beings (save the few decent ones I'm friends with).
What if we used the Gospel to empower women AND men? What if we allowed the Gospel to be used as a way to empower men to stand up against cultural norms that measure masculinity by how many STI's you have? Or by how well your wife submits to you, or by how many fights you can tough out, or how big your muscles are? What if we could empower men to stand up and say enough, to treat their fellow humans well (both men and women)?
And what if we could empower women to accept help sometimes? What if we could redefine feminism not by how militant you are against men, or how well you support yourself, or how "confidently" you dress, or how many men you can beat out for that promotion? The living in the extreme of women who believe that equality means "exact same in every way" narrowly defines what good means - and it still defines it on male terms. It's slavery disguised as empowerment. It's the empowerment of Satan to continue to enslave ourselves to the lies of the world - twisted truth. What if we could find some way to empower women to be who they were designed and created to be, without dependence on masculinity OR submission - what if we could find a way to empower women in the image of their Creator?
I'm thinking it might be a good idea to re-evaluate not only how I see myself, but how I view gender-relations issues across the world. I don't totally know what that means or looks like, but change should probably accompany this thought process.
Sunday, October 30
Saturday, October 22
A Collision of Misplaced Anger and Outright Shame When:
I walked past a homeless man tonight....
Not that that's anything new for me. I live in a city where homelessness is relatively commonplace. Even in the richest parts of the city, people are still out on the streets. I'm even friends with some of them.
For some reason tonight was different. I walked past a man - I almost didn't notice him. He wasn't panhandling, he wasn't crazy, he wasn't wandering. He was trying to sleep. On a bench. I was walking and talking with my mom (who's here to visit) and a very dear friend who we'd gone out to dinner with, and I almost walked right past him without even noticing.
But then I did notice. And maybe it's just because I was a little over the edge already that night, or I was just tired, or something else. It probably has something to do with the fact that it's that time of year again, when the weather starts getting a little colder, and that I happened to be right along the National Mall, and very, very close to the White House. But I did notice. And it shut me up good. He was huddled under a blanket. It was a worn blanket - I imagine that man, who didn't look more than 5 or 10 years older than me, had been on the streets for a while. He didn't have more than a backpack and a bag of things. And it looked like he was wearing a good portion of his clothes - mostly to keep warm. And these are not, by any means, the coldest months in DC. Not even close.
And my heart felt like it had been wrenched from me. It's not fair. I want to spend paragraphs and paragraphs railing in anger about the injustice of it all. I want to ask the Lord, "why?!" over and over again until He himself steps down from on high and offers this man food and drink and a place to live and comfort. I want to be angry, I want to march down to the president's house, I want to take down all the people who live right next door to me who live in multi-million dollar homes with rooms they use once a year and cars that cost almost as much, and yell and scream and cry until there are no more homeless people. And don't get me wrong, I am angry, and I am hurting because of that injustice - that will not end until Jesus himself returns. I am royally, royally pissed off. And heartbroken beyond measure.
But then I walked past.
I. Walked. Right. Past. That. Man. Without stopping. Without even the slightest flinch in my step.
And then I felt nauseous. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut, and like my heart (which had previously been removed from my chest) had been stomped on and crushed. And I am so, so ashamed. I should have stopped. I should have asked him if he wanted some warm coffee, or a meal, or a kind ear. I should have asked him if I could run to target, to get another blanket or a heavy jacket for him.
But I didn't. In my pride and arrogance, in my self-righteousness, I kept walking. I did a dis-service to that man when I ignored him. I hated him, in that moment. I hated him...
And so I will continue to be angry, about this gruesome injustice being done in this world. I will be heartbroken. And I will speak up about it.
But I also need to change my attitude - I can be angry about it, but anger itself accomplished nothing. I must be angry BECAUSE I love those people.
And that requires that I actually, do love these people.
Not that that's anything new for me. I live in a city where homelessness is relatively commonplace. Even in the richest parts of the city, people are still out on the streets. I'm even friends with some of them.
For some reason tonight was different. I walked past a man - I almost didn't notice him. He wasn't panhandling, he wasn't crazy, he wasn't wandering. He was trying to sleep. On a bench. I was walking and talking with my mom (who's here to visit) and a very dear friend who we'd gone out to dinner with, and I almost walked right past him without even noticing.
But then I did notice. And maybe it's just because I was a little over the edge already that night, or I was just tired, or something else. It probably has something to do with the fact that it's that time of year again, when the weather starts getting a little colder, and that I happened to be right along the National Mall, and very, very close to the White House. But I did notice. And it shut me up good. He was huddled under a blanket. It was a worn blanket - I imagine that man, who didn't look more than 5 or 10 years older than me, had been on the streets for a while. He didn't have more than a backpack and a bag of things. And it looked like he was wearing a good portion of his clothes - mostly to keep warm. And these are not, by any means, the coldest months in DC. Not even close.
And my heart felt like it had been wrenched from me. It's not fair. I want to spend paragraphs and paragraphs railing in anger about the injustice of it all. I want to ask the Lord, "why?!" over and over again until He himself steps down from on high and offers this man food and drink and a place to live and comfort. I want to be angry, I want to march down to the president's house, I want to take down all the people who live right next door to me who live in multi-million dollar homes with rooms they use once a year and cars that cost almost as much, and yell and scream and cry until there are no more homeless people. And don't get me wrong, I am angry, and I am hurting because of that injustice - that will not end until Jesus himself returns. I am royally, royally pissed off. And heartbroken beyond measure.
But then I walked past.
I. Walked. Right. Past. That. Man. Without stopping. Without even the slightest flinch in my step.
And then I felt nauseous. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut, and like my heart (which had previously been removed from my chest) had been stomped on and crushed. And I am so, so ashamed. I should have stopped. I should have asked him if he wanted some warm coffee, or a meal, or a kind ear. I should have asked him if I could run to target, to get another blanket or a heavy jacket for him.
But I didn't. In my pride and arrogance, in my self-righteousness, I kept walking. I did a dis-service to that man when I ignored him. I hated him, in that moment. I hated him...
And so I will continue to be angry, about this gruesome injustice being done in this world. I will be heartbroken. And I will speak up about it.
But I also need to change my attitude - I can be angry about it, but anger itself accomplished nothing. I must be angry BECAUSE I love those people.
And that requires that I actually, do love these people.
Sunday, October 9
The First Day
Today was my first day of non-veganism.
Friends, I would be lying to you if I said it wasn't absolutely delicious! Never, ever again will I go for 7 1/2 months without eating cheese. Ever. It is far too wonderful.
Would you care to hear about my first meal(s)? No? Then leave. Because I'm going to tell you anyways.
Breakfast: apple
Lame, I know. Wait. It gets better.
Lunch: Sushi - California Roll. Dragon Roll. Spicy Crunchy Shrimp Roll. Teriyaki Beef. Vegetable Tempura. Dumplings. It was FANTABULOUS.
Dinner: Chipotle. With pork. And cheese.
Oh friends... going without something for so long, it makes you appreciate it so much more!!! I've never had such a party on my tongue before. It was awesome.
I know right now, I'm riding on the tide of beautiful "new" tastes. But I also know over the next few weeks I am going to have to guard my heart against the enemy, twisting this into something it is not. I do not regret my decision to be vegan, but it is time for me to go back. It is time. I know this. I am not a failure because of it, I did not make this commitment because of anything other than God's command. And I did not go back because of anything less. I pray that the Lord will graciously use this experience for his own glory, and to refine me into something other than the worldly creature I all too often am.
Friends, I would be lying to you if I said it wasn't absolutely delicious! Never, ever again will I go for 7 1/2 months without eating cheese. Ever. It is far too wonderful.
Would you care to hear about my first meal(s)? No? Then leave. Because I'm going to tell you anyways.
Breakfast: apple
Lame, I know. Wait. It gets better.
Lunch: Sushi - California Roll. Dragon Roll. Spicy Crunchy Shrimp Roll. Teriyaki Beef. Vegetable Tempura. Dumplings. It was FANTABULOUS.
Dinner: Chipotle. With pork. And cheese.
Oh friends... going without something for so long, it makes you appreciate it so much more!!! I've never had such a party on my tongue before. It was awesome.
I know right now, I'm riding on the tide of beautiful "new" tastes. But I also know over the next few weeks I am going to have to guard my heart against the enemy, twisting this into something it is not. I do not regret my decision to be vegan, but it is time for me to go back. It is time. I know this. I am not a failure because of it, I did not make this commitment because of anything other than God's command. And I did not go back because of anything less. I pray that the Lord will graciously use this experience for his own glory, and to refine me into something other than the worldly creature I all too often am.
Regarding Biblical Womanhood, Part III: Men
This is part 3 of a series. You can also read Part 1 here, and read part 2 here.
I had a friend (a male) open a car door for me the other day. It wasn't just a passing thing - he insisted. But the thing is, he wasn't hitting on me. He wasn't demeaning me, but he wasn't hitting on me either. He was simply treating me with the utmost respect in the manner he though appropriate. I was beside myself. I didn't know how to react. I'm so used to fending for myself, and to holding up the walls around my vulnerability and my independence, that I didn't know what to do. I've never, ever in my life had a man intentionally seek to open a door for me. It's started to make me rethink how I treat men....
Am I treating men with respect when I demand that I do everything myself? I certainly don't mind being needed; I'm often (though, in my sinful flesh, not always) happy to help people. It makes me feel valuable and wanted. I think men are even more programmed to think and behave that way. When I demand that I do things under my own power, I am not only depriving men of the opportunity to serve me, but I am essentially telling them that their help is not good enough. I would hate that, if someone did that to me....
What else do I do that does not respect men? Where else do I think I am enabling myself, when really, I am only hurting myself and others around me?
This is where the issue of understanding my womanhood as a single woman comes into play. I ought to be seeking to be a godly woman right now. That is not something which waits to be cultivated until marriage. Just as we don't wait to cultivate a good football team with solid plays and good communication until game day (unless, apparently, you're the Broncos...), I ought not be waiting to cultivate my godly womanhood until marriage.
I say I am looking for a man to do ministry with - that in seeking a husband, my primary goal is to do ministry in a way that I would not be able to do otherwise. And I say that, but do I always mean it? In my head I mean it - I think, gosh, if I find a man who I love and am attracted to and can do ministry with me, I'll marry him. But if he doesn't met all of those criteria, then I won't marry and I'll just do ministry alone. But is that really what I'm seeking? Or am I just too afraid to try a messy relationship with another sinner? What would this relationship even look like?
And the thing is, I just don't know. Am I one of those women who is called to singleness for the rest of my life? I don't know. I heard a sermon once about relationships, and the pastor said that if we were one of those people called to a life of singleness, we'd know. Otherwise, our goal should be to pursue godly dating and a godly view of sex and relationships until we are married. But the thing is, I'm not sure if I'm one of those "single" people or not... I have yet to feel that I "need" a man. I'm quite content to do life in a single fashion - now. So does that make me someone who is called to singleness? But I don't know if I'll always feel that way. I do desire to get married - someday (I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't). But I don't know what being in a relationship in which both people are pursing God more than they are pursuing one another even looks like or acts like or feels like. And I want someone to show me, so that I can know for sure. So that I can try it and say - yes, this is something I think I am supposed to have in my life, this is something that I think God has called me to, or so I can say - no, this is not what God has called me to. God has called me to a life of singleness and contentment in him alone. And then I can stop wondering and move on.
Part of me wonders if I'm too weak to handle a relationship. That I would be the worst Christian wife ever, because I wrestle with defining what my role is, and acting on it. What if I'm too much of a sinner to be able to balance a relationship with a man and a relationship with God and His local church and work and whatever else I'm up to? Part of me thinks that I would begin to idolize that man, that I would be simultaneously too afraid to let myself go and too involved to get out.
But then part of me thinks that I'm too weak to handle life alone. That without someone to come home to at the end of the day, without someone to point me and guide me, without that solidarity and consistency, especially with what God has called me to do, that I would simply fall apart and be of no use to anyone.
The thought of being married scares me a little. But so does the thought of never getting married. The thought of going to a third world country like the DRC or rural Pakistan completely alone, without a husband, without a brother in Christ to support me and love me and walk with me through that experience, to hold me accountable, to encourage me and to talk with me, to balance me out... that terrifies me. And so I feel stuck...
I want to be running after Christ with such fierce tenacity that my husband has to run with me to not loose me to God. I want him to be in front of me so that I can draft off him when I am tired, so that he can show me the way when I am lost, and I want to be strong enough to pick him up when he falls. I want to be so wrapped up in Christ that we cannot help but be wrapped up together. I want to have the singular sense of companionship in Christ with one another that I see in some of the marriages at church.
But I'm beginning to think that I'm too afraid of being let down that I won't open myself to the fact that God may in fact have a husband in my future. I may even already know him. Why should I doubt that? What reason, what possible cause could I have for not trusting in the Lord, the creator of the universe, who has my life in His hands? I'd rather have God in control of my life than myself - I'm going to screw it up. But God? God will not screw up. He does not make mistakes. He has not let me down to this point, and He will not let me down in the future. If God promises me a husband, He will give one to me. It may not be in my timing. It may not be who I think or when I think or how I think, but He will deliver on his promises. He always does. Why am I so afraid of letting God make that promise to me? Am I afraid that I will not hear that promise? Or am I afraid that I will hear that promise?
I honestly don't know.
I had a friend (a male) open a car door for me the other day. It wasn't just a passing thing - he insisted. But the thing is, he wasn't hitting on me. He wasn't demeaning me, but he wasn't hitting on me either. He was simply treating me with the utmost respect in the manner he though appropriate. I was beside myself. I didn't know how to react. I'm so used to fending for myself, and to holding up the walls around my vulnerability and my independence, that I didn't know what to do. I've never, ever in my life had a man intentionally seek to open a door for me. It's started to make me rethink how I treat men....
Am I treating men with respect when I demand that I do everything myself? I certainly don't mind being needed; I'm often (though, in my sinful flesh, not always) happy to help people. It makes me feel valuable and wanted. I think men are even more programmed to think and behave that way. When I demand that I do things under my own power, I am not only depriving men of the opportunity to serve me, but I am essentially telling them that their help is not good enough. I would hate that, if someone did that to me....
What else do I do that does not respect men? Where else do I think I am enabling myself, when really, I am only hurting myself and others around me?
This is where the issue of understanding my womanhood as a single woman comes into play. I ought to be seeking to be a godly woman right now. That is not something which waits to be cultivated until marriage. Just as we don't wait to cultivate a good football team with solid plays and good communication until game day (unless, apparently, you're the Broncos...), I ought not be waiting to cultivate my godly womanhood until marriage.
I say I am looking for a man to do ministry with - that in seeking a husband, my primary goal is to do ministry in a way that I would not be able to do otherwise. And I say that, but do I always mean it? In my head I mean it - I think, gosh, if I find a man who I love and am attracted to and can do ministry with me, I'll marry him. But if he doesn't met all of those criteria, then I won't marry and I'll just do ministry alone. But is that really what I'm seeking? Or am I just too afraid to try a messy relationship with another sinner? What would this relationship even look like?
And the thing is, I just don't know. Am I one of those women who is called to singleness for the rest of my life? I don't know. I heard a sermon once about relationships, and the pastor said that if we were one of those people called to a life of singleness, we'd know. Otherwise, our goal should be to pursue godly dating and a godly view of sex and relationships until we are married. But the thing is, I'm not sure if I'm one of those "single" people or not... I have yet to feel that I "need" a man. I'm quite content to do life in a single fashion - now. So does that make me someone who is called to singleness? But I don't know if I'll always feel that way. I do desire to get married - someday (I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't). But I don't know what being in a relationship in which both people are pursing God more than they are pursuing one another even looks like or acts like or feels like. And I want someone to show me, so that I can know for sure. So that I can try it and say - yes, this is something I think I am supposed to have in my life, this is something that I think God has called me to, or so I can say - no, this is not what God has called me to. God has called me to a life of singleness and contentment in him alone. And then I can stop wondering and move on.
Part of me wonders if I'm too weak to handle a relationship. That I would be the worst Christian wife ever, because I wrestle with defining what my role is, and acting on it. What if I'm too much of a sinner to be able to balance a relationship with a man and a relationship with God and His local church and work and whatever else I'm up to? Part of me thinks that I would begin to idolize that man, that I would be simultaneously too afraid to let myself go and too involved to get out.
But then part of me thinks that I'm too weak to handle life alone. That without someone to come home to at the end of the day, without someone to point me and guide me, without that solidarity and consistency, especially with what God has called me to do, that I would simply fall apart and be of no use to anyone.
The thought of being married scares me a little. But so does the thought of never getting married. The thought of going to a third world country like the DRC or rural Pakistan completely alone, without a husband, without a brother in Christ to support me and love me and walk with me through that experience, to hold me accountable, to encourage me and to talk with me, to balance me out... that terrifies me. And so I feel stuck...
I want to be running after Christ with such fierce tenacity that my husband has to run with me to not loose me to God. I want him to be in front of me so that I can draft off him when I am tired, so that he can show me the way when I am lost, and I want to be strong enough to pick him up when he falls. I want to be so wrapped up in Christ that we cannot help but be wrapped up together. I want to have the singular sense of companionship in Christ with one another that I see in some of the marriages at church.
But I'm beginning to think that I'm too afraid of being let down that I won't open myself to the fact that God may in fact have a husband in my future. I may even already know him. Why should I doubt that? What reason, what possible cause could I have for not trusting in the Lord, the creator of the universe, who has my life in His hands? I'd rather have God in control of my life than myself - I'm going to screw it up. But God? God will not screw up. He does not make mistakes. He has not let me down to this point, and He will not let me down in the future. If God promises me a husband, He will give one to me. It may not be in my timing. It may not be who I think or when I think or how I think, but He will deliver on his promises. He always does. Why am I so afraid of letting God make that promise to me? Am I afraid that I will not hear that promise? Or am I afraid that I will hear that promise?
I honestly don't know.
Saturday, October 8
The Last Day
Yes, today is my last day being vegan.
It's been an interesting and fantastic journey. One I most certainly do not regret. I have learned about discipline, God's mighty provision, about what is truly important, about how to be more flexible. I have been pushed and challenged to share my faith in ways that I would not otherwise have done. I have been able to minister to people in ways I could not have foreseen, and I have been challenged to trust the Lord, despite not knowing what He had in mind for me.
And I am about to take that step again, just the flip side. I went vegan out of blind obedience, and I will return to eating everything out of blind obedience.
I would be lying if I said that all of me wanted to remain vegan. Certainly part of me does. But there are certainly parts of me that do wish I could eat meat. That I could go to Z-Burger and get a real burger and not just fries. But I am not making this decision out of indulgence or tiredness. I have prayed through this for the better part of a month now, I have thought and talked with people. I have been convicted in my heart, and through scripture.
I believe that if I continue in this lifestyle any longer, it would only be detrimental to me. I have started to pursue veganism for the praise of man, rather than the glory of God. I see myself falling into the trap of continuing not out of obedience, but rather out of fear of failure (or rather, perceived failure). I have begun to be legalistic about it, which is never something we ought to do.
So I am about to be challenged once again. I am going to be re-teaching myself what it looks like to live an obedient life without having a "vegan" title to discuss. I am going to learn about deliberately tearing praise of man from myself, because the Lord is sufficient. I am going to be learning about fighting the part of me that pursues titles and fame - and that in my family (both blood and church), nobody cares whether I'm vegan or not.
So today I will enjoy my salad, but tomorrow - tomorrow I will be enjoying some delicious Sushi. :) There will be pictures to come.
It's been an interesting and fantastic journey. One I most certainly do not regret. I have learned about discipline, God's mighty provision, about what is truly important, about how to be more flexible. I have been pushed and challenged to share my faith in ways that I would not otherwise have done. I have been able to minister to people in ways I could not have foreseen, and I have been challenged to trust the Lord, despite not knowing what He had in mind for me.
And I am about to take that step again, just the flip side. I went vegan out of blind obedience, and I will return to eating everything out of blind obedience.
I would be lying if I said that all of me wanted to remain vegan. Certainly part of me does. But there are certainly parts of me that do wish I could eat meat. That I could go to Z-Burger and get a real burger and not just fries. But I am not making this decision out of indulgence or tiredness. I have prayed through this for the better part of a month now, I have thought and talked with people. I have been convicted in my heart, and through scripture.
I believe that if I continue in this lifestyle any longer, it would only be detrimental to me. I have started to pursue veganism for the praise of man, rather than the glory of God. I see myself falling into the trap of continuing not out of obedience, but rather out of fear of failure (or rather, perceived failure). I have begun to be legalistic about it, which is never something we ought to do.
So I am about to be challenged once again. I am going to be re-teaching myself what it looks like to live an obedient life without having a "vegan" title to discuss. I am going to learn about deliberately tearing praise of man from myself, because the Lord is sufficient. I am going to be learning about fighting the part of me that pursues titles and fame - and that in my family (both blood and church), nobody cares whether I'm vegan or not.
So today I will enjoy my salad, but tomorrow - tomorrow I will be enjoying some delicious Sushi. :) There will be pictures to come.
Sunday, October 2
Regarding Biblical Womanhood, Part II: Marriage
Biblical womanhood is something I have been wrestling with for the last year - sometimes rather reluctantly. What does it look like? Especially for me - how does it affect me personally - a woman who isn't sure she's ever going to get married? What does it mean for the woman who used to be a staunch feminist and is now pretty sure that most "real" feminists would be ashamed of her, but is also reluctant to let go of that title (fear of man, anyone)? In a world that simultaneously tells me that women are distinctly less than men, and that women are exactly equal to men in every way, where does the Biblical truth lie? And how do I go from the former extremes to the truth?
This is (for some of you) going to be a scary thing to hear from me, but I'm slowly changing my mind about what biblical womanhood ought to look like. I believe the Bible - the word of the holy and living God - says that wives ought to submit to their husbands. Yes, it's true - I said it. It's in the Bible pretty clearly. Over and over. I'm not entirely sure it's something that I like... and it's definitely not something I understand. I've never been in a (romantic) relationship that is built on God instead of self (I'm only now learning how to have a friendship built on this premise). The word "submission" still makes me twitch and cringe and wiggle around with great discomfort, and occasionally anger and resentment.
But my pastors have challenged me to examine whether I am projecting my own desires and views onto the Bible, or if I am truly allowing the Bible to shape and change the way I interact with the world. And so I have begun examining. And one thing that has come to light is that the Bible is clear - wives ought to submit to their husbands. The flip side of that coin, of course, is that husbands ought to love their wives the way Christ loved the church. If that were happening, then submission wouldn't be such an issue. (But, as sinners, no matter how hard we might try, none of us are the husbands or wives we ought to be. Therein lies the root of the extreme worldviews mentioned above.)
This whole concept makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I don't like the idea of submitting to anyone. I don't even always like submitting to God - sometimes that involves doing or saying things that make me (and others around me) very uncomfortable. But to submit myself to a human man?! That seems like too much to ask on some days.
And then I look around. I look around my church and I see marriages that work. Marriages based on this principle of reciprocal submission and love. Not just my pastors' marriage, but just regular couples in the church. It really truly works. I don't get it. It really freaks me out some days. But I can see that the marriages of the church are truly more robust, healthier, and more fulfilling than any other marriage I've ever seen.
It still makes me nervous. I'm still resistant, and hesitant.
But when it comes down to it, understanding what a Biblical marriage ought to look like is rooted in my understanding of my identity as a woman of Christ. Throughout the Bible, God uses the metaphor of a prostitute, of an unworthy bride to symbolize the church, with Him as the bridegroom.
I am that prostitute. I am the one who returns to my evil ways, despite the love of the Lord. I follow my own plans, rather than His. I whore myself out to the world, to the traps of pursuit of glory, money, power, fame, success, living the American dream, and many other things which, in the end enslave me. But I don't see that. I am the one who all too happily and freely gives out her identity and security to the nearest and easiest promise, which is almost always one of the world and not of God.
And God still pursued (and continues to pursue) me. My sinful and wretched heart. To the point of Marriage. Forever and ever. With me. A filthy whore. All I have to do is not run away.
Why then, should I wait to understand what Biblical marriage looks like? If marriage between a man and a woman is to be a reflection of the marriage covenant between Christ and his church, shouldn't I seek to understand that as fully and deeply as I can, now? Shouldn't I, as a single Christian woman who has time and intelligence and reason and community, understand the Biblical marriage covenant better than anyone?
This is (for some of you) going to be a scary thing to hear from me, but I'm slowly changing my mind about what biblical womanhood ought to look like. I believe the Bible - the word of the holy and living God - says that wives ought to submit to their husbands. Yes, it's true - I said it. It's in the Bible pretty clearly. Over and over. I'm not entirely sure it's something that I like... and it's definitely not something I understand. I've never been in a (romantic) relationship that is built on God instead of self (I'm only now learning how to have a friendship built on this premise). The word "submission" still makes me twitch and cringe and wiggle around with great discomfort, and occasionally anger and resentment.
But my pastors have challenged me to examine whether I am projecting my own desires and views onto the Bible, or if I am truly allowing the Bible to shape and change the way I interact with the world. And so I have begun examining. And one thing that has come to light is that the Bible is clear - wives ought to submit to their husbands. The flip side of that coin, of course, is that husbands ought to love their wives the way Christ loved the church. If that were happening, then submission wouldn't be such an issue. (But, as sinners, no matter how hard we might try, none of us are the husbands or wives we ought to be. Therein lies the root of the extreme worldviews mentioned above.)
This whole concept makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I don't like the idea of submitting to anyone. I don't even always like submitting to God - sometimes that involves doing or saying things that make me (and others around me) very uncomfortable. But to submit myself to a human man?! That seems like too much to ask on some days.
And then I look around. I look around my church and I see marriages that work. Marriages based on this principle of reciprocal submission and love. Not just my pastors' marriage, but just regular couples in the church. It really truly works. I don't get it. It really freaks me out some days. But I can see that the marriages of the church are truly more robust, healthier, and more fulfilling than any other marriage I've ever seen.
It still makes me nervous. I'm still resistant, and hesitant.
But when it comes down to it, understanding what a Biblical marriage ought to look like is rooted in my understanding of my identity as a woman of Christ. Throughout the Bible, God uses the metaphor of a prostitute, of an unworthy bride to symbolize the church, with Him as the bridegroom.
I am that prostitute. I am the one who returns to my evil ways, despite the love of the Lord. I follow my own plans, rather than His. I whore myself out to the world, to the traps of pursuit of glory, money, power, fame, success, living the American dream, and many other things which, in the end enslave me. But I don't see that. I am the one who all too happily and freely gives out her identity and security to the nearest and easiest promise, which is almost always one of the world and not of God.
And God still pursued (and continues to pursue) me. My sinful and wretched heart. To the point of Marriage. Forever and ever. With me. A filthy whore. All I have to do is not run away.
Why then, should I wait to understand what Biblical marriage looks like? If marriage between a man and a woman is to be a reflection of the marriage covenant between Christ and his church, shouldn't I seek to understand that as fully and deeply as I can, now? Shouldn't I, as a single Christian woman who has time and intelligence and reason and community, understand the Biblical marriage covenant better than anyone?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)