Biblical womanhood is something I have been wrestling with for the last year - sometimes rather reluctantly. What does it look like? Especially for me - how does it affect me personally - a woman who isn't sure she's ever going to get married? What does it mean for the woman who used to be a staunch feminist and is now pretty sure that most "real" feminists would be ashamed of her, but is also reluctant to let go of that title (fear of man, anyone)? In a world that simultaneously tells me that women are distinctly less than men, and that women are exactly equal to men in every way, where does the Biblical truth lie? And how do I go from the former extremes to the truth?
This is (for some of you) going to be a scary thing to hear from me, but I'm slowly changing my mind about what biblical womanhood ought to look like. I believe the Bible - the word of the holy and living God - says that wives ought to submit to their husbands. Yes, it's true - I said it. It's in the Bible pretty clearly. Over and over. I'm not entirely sure it's something that I like... and it's definitely not something I understand. I've never been in a (romantic) relationship that is built on God instead of self (I'm only now learning how to have a friendship built on this premise). The word "submission" still makes me twitch and cringe and wiggle around with great discomfort, and occasionally anger and resentment.
But my pastors have challenged me to examine whether I am projecting my own desires and views onto the Bible, or if I am truly allowing the Bible to shape and change the way I interact with the world. And so I have begun examining. And one thing that has come to light is that the Bible is clear - wives ought to submit to their husbands. The flip side of that coin, of course, is that husbands ought to love their wives the way Christ loved the church. If that were happening, then submission wouldn't be such an issue. (But, as sinners, no matter how hard we might try, none of us are the husbands or wives we ought to be. Therein lies the root of the extreme worldviews mentioned above.)
This whole concept makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I don't like the idea of submitting to anyone. I don't even always like submitting to God - sometimes that involves doing or saying things that make me (and others around me) very uncomfortable. But to submit myself to a human man?! That seems like too much to ask on some days.
And then I look around. I look around my church and I see marriages that work. Marriages based on this principle of reciprocal submission and love. Not just my pastors' marriage, but just regular couples in the church. It really truly works. I don't get it. It really freaks me out some days. But I can see that the marriages of the church are truly more robust, healthier, and more fulfilling than any other marriage I've ever seen.
It still makes me nervous. I'm still resistant, and hesitant.
But when it comes down to it, understanding what a Biblical marriage ought to look like is rooted in my understanding of my identity as a woman of Christ. Throughout the Bible, God uses the metaphor of a prostitute, of an unworthy bride to symbolize the church, with Him as the bridegroom.
I am that prostitute. I am the one who returns to my evil ways, despite the love of the Lord. I follow my own plans, rather than His. I whore myself out to the world, to the traps of pursuit of glory, money, power, fame, success, living the American dream, and many other things which, in the end enslave me. But I don't see that. I am the one who all too happily and freely gives out her identity and security to the nearest and easiest promise, which is almost always one of the world and not of God.
And God still pursued (and continues to pursue) me. My sinful and wretched heart. To the point of Marriage. Forever and ever. With me. A filthy whore. All I have to do is not run away.
Why then, should I wait to understand what Biblical marriage looks like? If marriage between a man and a woman is to be a reflection of the marriage covenant between Christ and his church, shouldn't I seek to understand that as fully and deeply as I can, now? Shouldn't I, as a single Christian woman who has time and intelligence and reason and community, understand the Biblical marriage covenant better than anyone?
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