So there was a sermon a couple weeks ago about sex. Yes, you read that correctly - it's not a type-o. Sex. We talked about it. In church. With my pastor... Awkward? There were definitely moments. Important and enlightening? Absolutely. (It was actually very, very good. You can listen to it at http://www.restorationchurchdc.com/2011/09/a-biblical-view-of-sex/ It was extremely edifying and well-handled.)
We talked about why it's important to talk about sex. Especially in church. We talked about what sex should be and what sex shouldn't be. Because let's face it - sex is something that gets talked about outside the church. A lot. We're bombarded with it. So maybe it's something we should talk about in church too.
It's something I've heard over and over - you don't have sex 'til your married, otherwise you're a dirty filthy whore. You don't talk about masturbation, or about desires, or about struggling with singleness. Porn is a no-no, and if you're stuck in a porn addiction, you ought to be ashamed of yourself and just buck up and pull yourself out by your bootstraps, because real godly men don't ever struggle with that issue. And women don't struggle with any of this. Sex is for marriage, so just hold on until you get there, but even then, don't talk about it! It's still kinda dirty and we don't really want to think that we enjoy something like that, because we were told it was bad for all our lives!
The reality is that men and women alike, Christian or not, struggle with things like porn, masturbation, having sex outside of marriage, lustful thoughts, homosexual behaviour, dressing inappropriately, not guarding their hearts, and otherwise engaging in inappropriate behavior. Statistics say it's rampant, friends experiences say its rampant - even my experience tells me it's rampant. So yea, I'd say it's a pretty important thing to talk about. No matter how uncomfortable it makes you.
I have very people very near and dear to my heart who have had sex outside of marriage. Who have objectified members of the opposite sex. Who have lusted after a relationship (sometimes even a relationship for the sake of itself) for the physical element. Who have dressed inappropriately to get attention. Who have been involved in porn and masturbation. I myself have struggled with nearly every one of these things at some point in my life. And they are issues that need to be addressed in a healthy, biblical manner - which means we have to talk about them.
This sermon raised some interesting issues. How should we talk about sex? How should we talk about marriage, for that matter? What about gender roles? What about defining biblical manhood and womanhood, singleness, and relationships? Why are they important to talk about?
Sex ought to be a good thing. It's healthy, it's joyful - it's something God created! When Adam and Eve started having sex in the garden, it wasn't a surprise to God. Sex is good. But only in the context in which God ordained. But that's not the answer the world likes. The world would have you believe that sex with anyone, anywhere, anytime = freedom and happiness. But my pastor gave an analogy, and its one that merits repeating. Imagine there's a train. On the tracks, it's free to go wherever it wants, as efficiently as it pleases, arriving on time and safely. The train is doing exactly what it is designed to do, and is doing it well, so we say it is good. If you put that very same train in the very same spot, but without the tracks, it will not go anywhere. Before, it was "confined" by the tracks. Now, you say, you have set the train free! But where will the train go? What will it do? Will it do it well? No. Such are God's mandates for our lives. The rules exist in order to give us freedom, not to take it away from us. The question then becomes - do I love God's authority more than I love my own authority? Am I willing to submit myself to the Lord's will for my life - including in this area?
What does a biblical view of sex mean for me? I'll be blatantly honest for a moment: the desire is there. I desire to have sex. God gave me that desire, so that's ok. But I'm not married. I'm not even in a romantic relationship of any sort. So how do I balance those two things?
Primarily, I think I (we) need to understand that sex is not the end-all-be-all of relationships, of my experience here on earth, or of enjoying someone else's company, be it in a Biblical marriage or not. Culture certainly tells me that it is. Even the church sometimes tells me that it is. The "just hold on until you get there" line - what about the people who never get married? The church sometimes treats sex in the same manner that culture treats it - it's just the flip side of the same coin. It's hyped up into something more than what it is - something it shouldn't be.
If I may, I'll have another honest moment: There is a chance I will die a virgin. And that just has to be ok. Because to say that it is not would be to up-end the order which God created, and to fancy myself having a better comprehension of good than God - which is absurd. His glory is ultimate. Everything else is not. Will there be sex in heaven? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not (that's a debate for another time). But the bottom line is, sex is not the only way to glorify God. It is not even the best way (perhaps you disagree? Let's talk. I'd be interested to hear what you have to say - but that is not a conversation for this particular blog post). Glorifying God is my ultimate mission - not pursuing my own pleasures. I don't exactly know what that means for me yet, but I know that God is in control. And I am not. And I will (humbly attempt, and often fail to) submit myself to his Holy and almighty authority.
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