True Thankfulness

So it's been over a month since I ended my veganism.

Let me tell you, the Lord is wonderful.  He is so, so good! He is still certainly teaching me through the process, but one of the things that was immediately apparent was the wonderful and beautiful provision of the Sovereign Lord.

I can walk into a grocery store, restaurant, or even campus dining hall, and I can eat absolutely anything I want.  Anything!  Do you know what a beautiful realization that is?!  It actually took me a few weeks to adjust to the fact that I didn't have to think about what I was eating anymore...

I've never been so thankful for food before - I try to pray before most meals, I try to give thanks to the Lord for his wonderful provision of abundance in my life, but I don't always feel thankful.  Even when I was vegan, I was thankful, but not in the same way.  Now... now I'm thankful in a whole new way! It's such a wonderful and beautiful thing.  I can literally eat anything.  Absolutely anything.

I'm beginning to understand the multi-faceted role of fasting in a spiritual walk... It's not something that I understand fully, but the Lord is continuing to grow my heart for him, and to bring me deeper in relationship with him. Praise be to Him.

The First Day

Today was my first day of non-veganism.

Friends, I would be lying to you if I said it wasn't absolutely delicious! Never, ever again will I go for 7 1/2 months without eating cheese.  Ever.  It is far too wonderful. 

Would you care to hear about my first meal(s)?  No? Then leave.  Because I'm going to tell you anyways. 

Breakfast: apple
Lame, I know.  Wait.  It gets better.

Lunch: Sushi -  California Roll. Dragon Roll. Spicy Crunchy Shrimp Roll.  Teriyaki Beef.  Vegetable Tempura.  Dumplings.  It was FANTABULOUS.

Dinner: Chipotle.  With pork.  And cheese.

Oh friends... going without something for so long, it makes you appreciate it so much more!!! I've never had such a party on my tongue before.  It was awesome. 

I know right now, I'm riding on the tide of beautiful "new" tastes.  But I also know over the next few weeks I am going to have to guard my heart against the enemy, twisting this into something it is not.  I do not regret my decision to be vegan, but it is time for me to go back.  It is time.  I know this.  I am not a failure because of it, I did not make this commitment because of anything other than God's command.  And I did not go back because of anything less.   I pray that the Lord will graciously use this experience for his own glory, and to refine me into something other than the worldly creature I all too often am. 

The Last Day

Yes, today is my last day being vegan.

It's been an interesting and fantastic journey.  One I most certainly do not regret. I have learned about discipline, God's mighty provision, about what is truly important, about how to be more flexible.  I have been pushed and challenged to share my faith in ways that I would not otherwise have done.  I have been able to minister to people in ways I could not have foreseen, and I have been challenged to trust the Lord, despite not knowing what He had in mind for me. 

And I am about to take that step again, just the flip side.  I went vegan out of blind obedience, and I will return to eating everything out of blind obedience.  

I would be lying if I said that all of me wanted to remain vegan.  Certainly part of me does.  But there are certainly parts of me that do wish I could eat meat.  That I could go to Z-Burger and get a real burger and not just fries. But I am not making this decision out of indulgence or tiredness.  I have prayed through this for the better part of a month now, I have thought and talked with people.  I have been convicted in my heart, and through scripture. 

I believe that if I continue in this lifestyle any longer, it would only be detrimental to me.  I have started to pursue veganism for the praise of man, rather than the glory of God.  I see myself falling into the trap of continuing not out of obedience, but rather out of fear of failure (or rather, perceived failure).  I have begun to be legalistic about it, which is never something we ought to do.

So I am about to be challenged once again. I am going to be re-teaching myself what it looks like to live an obedient life without having a "vegan" title to discuss.  I am going to learn about deliberately tearing praise of man from myself, because the Lord is sufficient.   I am going to be learning about fighting the part of me that pursues titles and fame - and that in my family (both blood and church), nobody cares whether I'm vegan or not. 

So today I will enjoy my salad, but tomorrow - tomorrow I will be enjoying some delicious Sushi.  :)  There will be pictures to come.

Still going...

This is a somewhat nostalgic list of the top ten foods that I miss... (and maybe the first ten foods I'll eat when I go back to eating all food...)

1.  Mozzarella sticks (and all cheese products)
2. Chili Cheese Fries
3. Breakfast Burritos
4. Chicken Piccatta
5. My Grandmother's Molasses Crinkle Cookies
6. Real Milk with my Cereal
7. Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory
8. A Really Good, Juicy Burger from Red Robin (or my Dad)
9. My Sister's Homemade Cinnamon Rolls
10. (I never thought I'd say this....) A good, stone-oven baked pizza with real cheese and some sort of meat...
11.  Sushi
12. My sisters shish-kebobs.  :) (yes, I know that's two more than ten...)

So yes, I'm still vegan.  But that doesn't mean I can't dream, right?  :)

Although the last few months have certainly presented their fair share of challenges in the way of dietary restrictions, it's also been an incredibly fruitful and unexpectedly delightful time for me to grow and learn.  There have been many significant moments, none of which I could have foreseen, in which being vegan allowed me to share my experience and my faith in a completely new way.  Although it continues to be challenging, I will continue to pursue this challenge until God calls me to something else... 

Indefinitely...

So Easter is past.  And here I am.  Still a vegan.

That's right people - I'm still vegan.  And I've decided to stay vegan for an indefinite amount of time.  I won't say forever because I don't know what sort of surprises life holds in the future, but until God or my doctor convicts me otherwise, I'm a Vegan. 

It still seems strange to self-identify in that way.  I never, EVER thought that would be one of the words that follows the phrase "I am...".  But I feel better being vegan.  I'm not denying that there are days that it would be much easier (and tastier) to go back.  And someday I might.   But the transition has already been made, and it seems like that's the hardest part.  And it's a challenge I'm (for the most part) enjoying. 

The only hang up I have (and there's only truly one that's significant) is that it's a huge inconvenience.  Not so much to me - that part I don't mind.  But to other people.  People have to think about me before the cook and throw parties and decide where to go to dinner.  Even so, here, where I can go hungry and run to the grocery store afterwards, or go home to my peanut butter, it's not so bad.  But in Haiti (and later in other Third World countries) - that's something I'm seriously considering turning a blind eye to.  Because there you can't just run down the street to the grocery store to grab vegan cheese or almond milk.  So I'm still praying through what I will be doing in Haiti. 

Regardless, I know God is still teaching me humility, grace, how to live in fellowship, patience, discipline, and many many other things, and that He is working for something great.  I cannot wait to see my small portion of His great tapestry.  Gloria a Dios. 

After 3 Weeks

I'm (almost) 3 weeks in to my vegan stint for Lent.   So far....

I just about had a minor meltdown in Whole Foods yesterday.  I was hungry, and tired, and very stressed about my paper that was due this morning (which, at the time, I hadn't even started).  I'd just gotten off work early and hadn't eaten anything all day, and I thought to myself I'd go grab some food across the street, and then sit at the little lunch place in Whole Foods and work on my essay before church.  But I got back to the make your own sandwich bar, which is right next to the stone oven that they make pizzas in, and I could smell the cheese... I love cheese.  Maybe more than milk.  I really really do.  And suddenly the thought of a grilled turkey-tomato-cheese-basil-spinach sandwich popped into my head, and I couldn't let it go.  I seriously entertained the thought of just putting cheese on my sandwich.  Nobody else was there - nobody would ever know.... It was the first time I'd seriously started having an internal battle over my cravings and my commitment.  

I've messed up a couple times.  But I'm learning how to let it go.  It's one of the reasons I think God has called me to do this. 

Aside from my momentary, passing desires (and so far they all are passing), I'm contemplating being vegan permanently.  Already, I feel healthier, and more responsible.  I don't feel guilty about buying food anymore, knowing what I know. 

I think it's easy to get caught up in all the things I can't eat anymore.  All the cheese and milk and cookies and muffins and eggs and hamburgers and jelly....  But there are still so many things I can eat.  And I still have a grocery store to go to where I can buy enough food to feed me.  I have a job and parents who support me enough that I can afford to buy food, period. 

So... that's pretty much where I'm at. So far, it's been easier to go vegan "cold turkey" (so-to-speak...) than i expected.   But a lifetime is a long time... so I think I've only scratched the surface. 

On Being Vegan (Days 1 and 2)

So I've officially been vegan for 2 days. 

Well, sort of.  I spent all of yesterday being vegan, but I was also detoxing, so I wasn't actually eating anything...  That was hard for it's own reasons - mostly that I would walk past a restaurant and smell food that I know is delicious, and not be able to eat it.  But I feel clean and healthy after 3 days of detoxing, so... all's well that ends well. 

So far, being vegan actually hasn't been that hard.  The cravings for dairy and bacon haven't set in yet.  I'll admit, it's weird to open the fridge and not be able to drink milk.  It's strange when I think about the fact that I may never eat a hamburger again, or chicken picatta (which does make my heart shrivel a little bit...), and to walk through a grocery store or look at a restaurant menu and realize how much there is that I can't eat anymore.  When I think about it, I've found that it's really easy to get caught up in all the No's, all the things that I can't eat anymore.  But if there's anything I learned from Coach, its that the way you think about things really does make a difference (thanks, friend!).  So I'm trying not to focus on that.  I'm trying to focus on how thankful I am that I can afford to be vegan - both financially and simply in terms of the fact that I have food readily available at hundreds of different sources nearby.  

Even over the last 2 days, I'm feeling more blessed and healthy than ever.  Praise be to God.