Checking In

At the beginning of the semester, I set out a few goals for myself.  (See the post from January entitled "Discipline" to read about it).  I figured it's about time to re-evaluate where I am...

• I've decided that I'm cutting desserts and soda out of my diet.  Completely.  Maybe not permanently, but for now.  I need to start eating better, and this is step one.  

Well... I stopped drinking soda for a while.  And I stopped eating desserts for a while.  The goal was not to cut sugar completely out of my diet, but to re-evaluate how I'm eating and how I can be healthier.  I still have work to do, but since going vegan, I've started eating healthier in general, so although I'm back to drinking soda and eating (some) desserts, I feel healthier.

• I'm going to get up every morning before my classes and swim.  Yes, 5 days a week.  Me.  In the pool.  Blech I hate mornings.

This has been a complete and utter failure.  I think I've been to the practices maybe 4 times since the semester started.  This part of my life I REALLY need help with.   

• I'm going to be disciplined about reading my Bible every day.  Every single day.  Through the entire Bible, in one year.

So far, the consistency has been an issue.  Although I've read my Bible and prayed every day, I need to find a consistent TIME to do it.  Just like working out, it's more effective if you do it at the same time every day.  And doing it as I'm falling asleep probably isn't the most effective way to retain what I'm learning.  I'm working on getting up early to do it, but so far... well, I'm REALLY not a morning person, so you can only imagine how that goes.  This still needs work. 

• I am going to be disciplined about my school work.  This means doing all the assignments, reading the assigned texts, not procrastinating, and planning in advance to get things done and then doing it.

This is an absolute and utter failure.  (Ok, maybe I'm being a little hard on myself... I have tried really hard.  I'm just a little overwhelmed.  And I've done the readings (mostly) for the classes that matter.).  This needs some re-evaluation next semester about what my goals are academically, and how to achieve them.  

•  I am going to be disciplined about finding (and then getting involved with) an organization to do regular community service with.  An animal shelter, a homeless program, something.  I need to get back into it.  So far: progress, but still undecided.  

Until about 3 weeks ago, I did a good job with this one.  I found a great organization near Dupont Circle, and I've been volunteering with them regularly before classes.  Unfortunately, the last few weeks have been crazy, I've been sick, and I'm struggling with doing everything.  And this fell by the wayside. I hope to pick it up again next week, and to try to do better in the future.  

So from here - where do I go?  One of my major goals for this summer is to get a consistent schedule going in my life.  It's something I really struggle with, but I think if I could just make it a habit it would make my life SO much easier.  So that's priority number one.  Part of doing that is going to be getting up every morning to swim with masters, reading my Bible after that, and then trying to find some semblance of consistency in whatever job I have.  For the summer, that's where I'm at right now.  Who wants to hold me accountable??  (L.....?)

Haiti Update

For those of you out there who are reading this to hear updates about my trip to Haiti, here you go:

I made my first payment (of $600) a week ago.  I got almost half of that raised in support from you guys, so thank you so very much to all of you who have been praying and giving - God has been faithful! 

Having to make that payment finally made it real.  I'm going to Haiti!  In 6 and a half weeks (which means I only have like 4 weeks of school left!), I'm leaving the country for a week.  I'm nervous and excited.  I've done the majority of my mission work with one organization, and mostly in the United States (although if you count Native American reservations as something different, it's about half and half...).  This will be a new experience - going with a new church and a new organization to a new country.  This is the first time I'll be doing mission work as more than a nominal Christian - which both terrifies me and excites me in a way I can't describe. 

I think (I hope and pray) that, at least on a financial level, this trip is going to happen.  I think I always knew that - The instant this trip was proposed, I knew I was going, even if I had to sell everything and take out a loan.  I'm hoping I don't have to go quite that far, at least not for this trip (thanks to you people!!!!).  My passport, however, is causing me great stress.  I did the research on the State Department website, filled out what I thought were the right forms, wrote a check, got my pictures, and sent everything in.  About two weeks later, my dad called, saying he'd received my denied passport application in the mail (Eek!)  Needless to say, I freaked out.  After much searching on the internet, and two phone calls to the passport people at the State Department, I finally figured out why, got the RIGHT forms filled out, and sent in, but it normally takes about 6 weeks to process, and I leave in 6 and half....  So please pray!  Pray that everything would go smoothly with this passport application, and that the department can get me my passport in time to go.  I know God is faithful, and I know that he has called me to be on this trip - I trust He will provide exactly what I need.  But please pray with me that everything would go smoothly! 

I have one more payment of $300 to make (Yes, I do know how to add, I received another $100 in donations since I made the initial payment...), and I pray that God will be faithful in providing the resources I need to go.  Thank you all for your support so far.  We have our first team training on April 17th, so please be praying that would go smoothly.  Right now, we have 12 people signed up to go.  Please pray that the spirit would be moving in everyone's heart, preparing them for the trip ahead, and that everyone can find the resources to take time away from work and family to go.  I will continue to update through letters and blogging.  As the trip gets closer, I'm sure there will be more updates filled with anxiety and eager anticipation! 

Thank you all so very much for your support, I cannot describe how blessed I am by each and every one of you. 

After 3 Weeks

I'm (almost) 3 weeks in to my vegan stint for Lent.   So far....

I just about had a minor meltdown in Whole Foods yesterday.  I was hungry, and tired, and very stressed about my paper that was due this morning (which, at the time, I hadn't even started).  I'd just gotten off work early and hadn't eaten anything all day, and I thought to myself I'd go grab some food across the street, and then sit at the little lunch place in Whole Foods and work on my essay before church.  But I got back to the make your own sandwich bar, which is right next to the stone oven that they make pizzas in, and I could smell the cheese... I love cheese.  Maybe more than milk.  I really really do.  And suddenly the thought of a grilled turkey-tomato-cheese-basil-spinach sandwich popped into my head, and I couldn't let it go.  I seriously entertained the thought of just putting cheese on my sandwich.  Nobody else was there - nobody would ever know.... It was the first time I'd seriously started having an internal battle over my cravings and my commitment.  

I've messed up a couple times.  But I'm learning how to let it go.  It's one of the reasons I think God has called me to do this. 

Aside from my momentary, passing desires (and so far they all are passing), I'm contemplating being vegan permanently.  Already, I feel healthier, and more responsible.  I don't feel guilty about buying food anymore, knowing what I know. 

I think it's easy to get caught up in all the things I can't eat anymore.  All the cheese and milk and cookies and muffins and eggs and hamburgers and jelly....  But there are still so many things I can eat.  And I still have a grocery store to go to where I can buy enough food to feed me.  I have a job and parents who support me enough that I can afford to buy food, period. 

So... that's pretty much where I'm at. So far, it's been easier to go vegan "cold turkey" (so-to-speak...) than i expected.   But a lifetime is a long time... so I think I've only scratched the surface. 

Short Films and Slam Poetry

One of the best short films I've ever seen.  I might be a little bit in love with TJ Thyne now... 

Seriously.  Watch.  Smile.  Be Inspired.  :) 

Slam Poetry from an Awesome Christian guy about Toms and Life.... 

On Being Vegan (Days 1 and 2)

So I've officially been vegan for 2 days. 

Well, sort of.  I spent all of yesterday being vegan, but I was also detoxing, so I wasn't actually eating anything...  That was hard for it's own reasons - mostly that I would walk past a restaurant and smell food that I know is delicious, and not be able to eat it.  But I feel clean and healthy after 3 days of detoxing, so... all's well that ends well. 

So far, being vegan actually hasn't been that hard.  The cravings for dairy and bacon haven't set in yet.  I'll admit, it's weird to open the fridge and not be able to drink milk.  It's strange when I think about the fact that I may never eat a hamburger again, or chicken picatta (which does make my heart shrivel a little bit...), and to walk through a grocery store or look at a restaurant menu and realize how much there is that I can't eat anymore.  When I think about it, I've found that it's really easy to get caught up in all the No's, all the things that I can't eat anymore.  But if there's anything I learned from Coach, its that the way you think about things really does make a difference (thanks, friend!).  So I'm trying not to focus on that.  I'm trying to focus on how thankful I am that I can afford to be vegan - both financially and simply in terms of the fact that I have food readily available at hundreds of different sources nearby.  

Even over the last 2 days, I'm feeling more blessed and healthy than ever.  Praise be to God.

Let's Talk Baptism!

I've gotten some questions about this recently, so I feel like I should articulate something that I maybe haven't done a great job of making clear: I decided to get baptized again out of obedience to the Word of God and as a public profession of my faith, NOT as a way to condemn or show preferential treatment to any particular denomination.

My decision to be baptized didn't have anything to do with denomination or a particular church. I think that all churches, regardless of denomination, have some variety of inherent flaws (they are, after all, composed of humans...). I believe God can (and does) use those flaws to teach us, to humble us, and to bring us closer to Him. I don't completely agree with Episcopal doctrine, nor do I completely agree with Baptist doctrine. I've discussed some of these (relatively minor) differences with my pastors, and we have agreed to respectfully disagree. They did make it clear that they value the fact that I am thinking critically for myself about the Scriptures, and not simply taking what they teach at face value without comparing it to God's Word. That, to me, spoke volumes about their character as teachers and pastors, and what they think is important in my relationship with the church and with God.

I chose the church I am currently attending based on the community that is growing there, and what I find spiritually nourishing - I have no particular issue with the Episcopal Church as a whole (or St. Timothy's in particular) that "drove me away" or caused me to leave - I simply find that a service constructed in a more ritualized, liturgical way is not as fulfilling or meaningful to me as a service with a little less structure and a little longer sermon. I don't think there's anything wrong with those types of services, and for some people (in particular, like my parents), they are wonderful. I just feel that at this point in my life, given who I am, it's simply not what I need. I believe that my church is very Biblical and Gospel-centered, and that the pastors and members are truly interested and invested in creating a community based in Christ. That is the most important thing to me.

Regarding baptism: my decision to be baptized is not my way of "officially switching denominations" or making any sort of declaration for the Baptist church or against the Episcopal church. It is not even really a part of me just becoming an official member of this particular church, but truly and fully becoming a part of His Church. Being baptized is something that God began to lay on my heart many years ago - before I fully rejected Him, even. I'm only choosing to be baptized with this new community because they truly have provided a communal home for me as my new life in DC grows, and as I grow in my walk with Christ.

I am not trying to undermine or downplay the importance of my parents and my upbringing in my spiritual walk.  I simply acknowledge that at the age of 3 months old, I was not able to decide for myself to follow Christ wholeheartedly.  I was never confirmed, nor did I ever take on the responsibility of that covenant with God for myself. My parents did in fact do their very best to raise me in a relationship with Christ. But I (and I alone) rejected that.

I believe that Jesus came to earth as fully man and fully God and replaced the old covenant with a new one of eternal grace and redemption, if we will only accept it. No matter how much my parents love me, or will me to the Gospel, or tried to raise me in a Christian life with a genuine relationship with God, they cannot make that decision for me. Because God, in his infinite love, gave us free will, I must own that decision for myself. And I have, finally. My baptism is not a condemnation of the Episcopal church, of the way my parents raised me, or a simple "re-acceptance" into the faith (we all experience ups and downs, even daily and hourly!). It is more than just a renewal of a covenant that I have already accepted - It is an acceptance of a covenant I have never taken part in until now. I did not decide to be baptized spontaneously or lightly; I have prayed through this decision and truly examined my heart in the matter.

Praise be to God for His infinite grace!