Yesterday was November 14th - that's wintertime, in my book. And yet I wore short sleeves all afternoon/evening. It felt like May! I spontaneously went downtown with B. to take pictures, hang out, explore, and just geek out about the fact that we actually live in DC on one of the most gorgeous days ever! (Can you say happy camper!?)
And friends, what a glorious day I had reveling in the glory of the Lord!
I've spent the last four weeks putting my head down, blinders on, and plowing through the massive amount of work I've had to do. My daily quiet time has been a lot of begging the Lord for adequate rest, for the patience and strength to honor Him amidst all the work and class and chaos. There's been a lot of sleeping on my Sabbaths, and a lot of just trying to get through.
What a reminder yesterday was of the abundant joys of serving the Lord! I could not help but give praise to God for what he has provided me, and for what he has created! There are no words.
I could not stop myself from giving praise; during my quiet time yesterday evening, that was all I could do! The Lord delights - yes, delights! - in bringing the sun up every morning, in painting beautiful sunsets each evening with colors only he could have imagined, in making the changing light ever more beautiful, in giving fellowship and joy to his beloved children. And I was gracefully given the chance to experience that, even amidst a broken world.
The glory of the Lord.
Do you get that friend?! Let that sit for a moment. THE GLORY OF THE LORD. the glory of the Lord. The GLORY of the Lord! Whispered, shouted, proclaimed, wailed, cried amidst tears of joy or pain or persecution... all of it - the glory of the Lord! Do you understand what that means, what that entails? Because if you do not - oh, what you are missing!!! The Lord is jealous for the praise and glory of his name, and how he will display it, if only you will look at it! Examine the cross, and if you do not find in it the Lord's supreme purpose for his own glory, you are missing the point. Re-examine, and look closer. Let the whole weight of the glory of the Lord sink into you - you will never be (you cannot be) too full of it - so fill yourself as much as you can!
I cannot wait for the coming age when we get every moment of all of eternity to worship the most holy God! What a joyful glimpse that was into the restoration to come! The more time I spend in the Word, the more I pray, learn, think, and seek God, the more joyful it is to praise his holy name. I am perpetually and utterly beyond words at the greatness of God, and how he chooses to reveal this to us in such refreshing and unexpected ways. It was a refreshing time with God and a dear friend, just living in praise of God - and there was nothing I would rather have done with my time on a Monday afternoon.
Tuesday, November 15
Friday, November 11
True Thankfulness
So it's been over a month since I ended my veganism.
Let me tell you, the Lord is wonderful. He is so, so good! He is still certainly teaching me through the process, but one of the things that was immediately apparent was the wonderful and beautiful provision of the Sovereign Lord.
I can walk into a grocery store, restaurant, or even campus dining hall, and I can eat absolutely anything I want. Anything! Do you know what a beautiful realization that is?! It actually took me a few weeks to adjust to the fact that I didn't have to think about what I was eating anymore...
I've never been so thankful for food before - I try to pray before most meals, I try to give thanks to the Lord for his wonderful provision of abundance in my life, but I don't always feel thankful. Even when I was vegan, I was thankful, but not in the same way. Now... now I'm thankful in a whole new way! It's such a wonderful and beautiful thing. I can literally eat anything. Absolutely anything.
I'm beginning to understand the multi-faceted role of fasting in a spiritual walk... It's not something that I understand fully, but the Lord is continuing to grow my heart for him, and to bring me deeper in relationship with him. Praise be to Him.
Let me tell you, the Lord is wonderful. He is so, so good! He is still certainly teaching me through the process, but one of the things that was immediately apparent was the wonderful and beautiful provision of the Sovereign Lord.
I can walk into a grocery store, restaurant, or even campus dining hall, and I can eat absolutely anything I want. Anything! Do you know what a beautiful realization that is?! It actually took me a few weeks to adjust to the fact that I didn't have to think about what I was eating anymore...
I've never been so thankful for food before - I try to pray before most meals, I try to give thanks to the Lord for his wonderful provision of abundance in my life, but I don't always feel thankful. Even when I was vegan, I was thankful, but not in the same way. Now... now I'm thankful in a whole new way! It's such a wonderful and beautiful thing. I can literally eat anything. Absolutely anything.
I'm beginning to understand the multi-faceted role of fasting in a spiritual walk... It's not something that I understand fully, but the Lord is continuing to grow my heart for him, and to bring me deeper in relationship with him. Praise be to Him.
Tuesday, November 8
Painful Breakups and Ugly Letters
Dear Higher Education,
I don't like you anymore. Seriously, I don't. I did, really - when we started this relationship I thought it was going to work. I wanted it to work. But I was young and naive then... Now I see you for who you really are, and what you really want from me. All this time, you put up your facade, and you tricked me into believing this was the best thing for me. Even when I started seeing problems, I fought for this relationship - I did everything you asked of me. And even then, I thought we could work through this. But clearly, we can't. I've seen the light, and I don't actually like you anymore.
You give me too much to do, and too much stress. I want to learn (believe me, I do!) but I really, really despise you. All too often you squelch learning in favor of doing, which really just pisses me off.
You ask me to sacrifice sleep for you, fun for you, friends for you, even God for you. You zap my brain of all energy and coherent thought. I sit in class trying to pay attention and simultaneously writing essays for other classes. That is not acceptable. I struggle to stay awake, and I feel the pressure to get a good job and to make money. You tell me that unless I have a 4.0, I'm not doing good enough. Your professors tell me that their class is the most important, but all 6 of them say that! You tell me that I'm on facebook too much, but also not enough. You tell me that I should make school my first priority, but you make it so expensive that I have to work at the same time. Your professors say that my work isn't good enough, and that if I can't do it I shouldn't be here. There are no late assignments, ever, because nothing outstanding ever happens in life that would require me to ask for a reasonable extension, but if I'm not also out "living life" then I'm missing out on the experience. You are the reason my schedule looks like this:
You tell me that I have to sacrifice everything, including my standards and my expectations, especially the most basic of standards like sleep, food, and pursuing God. You have cost me money, and time, and friendships and sleep. You have cost me sanity. You don't adequately equip me for the things you expect of me, and you fail to account for your waste and my struggles. You engage with corrupt politicians, and poor teachers who are here only because they didn't know what else to do. It's a miracle I haven't thrown a brick at someone yet (or through the window). Your administration has no interest in my education, they have interest in their kingdoms and their money, and only costs me everything. You would claim my identity and my soul if I let my guard down.
But I won't do it anymore! I'm going to stand up "against the man" and take as many naps as I want, for as long as I want. I will not be a stereotype or a statistic, and I will not end up on the cover of a magazine for my successes or failures. I'm not going to gain weight, nor will I be affected by an eating disorder. I will not be a partier who flunks out, or that girl who locks herself in the library, only to look back on college wishing she'd let loose. I will not sleep around just because it's college. I will not do what you tell me, college! You will not claim my identity or my life. I will no longer let school get in the way of my learning. You do not own me, you do not define me. You will most certainly not demand anything of me - because you are not my identity. I refuse to let you claim me with your vice-grip.
Dear school, I wash my hands of you. I will pursue learning to the highest standard, but you - I'm breaking up with you. I want to say I'm wishing you well as we part ways, but that's not true. I wish you the most rapid and humiliating of demises. We're through, we're finished, and I don't ever want to hear from you again.
Hugs and Kisses.
K
I don't like you anymore. Seriously, I don't. I did, really - when we started this relationship I thought it was going to work. I wanted it to work. But I was young and naive then... Now I see you for who you really are, and what you really want from me. All this time, you put up your facade, and you tricked me into believing this was the best thing for me. Even when I started seeing problems, I fought for this relationship - I did everything you asked of me. And even then, I thought we could work through this. But clearly, we can't. I've seen the light, and I don't actually like you anymore.
You give me too much to do, and too much stress. I want to learn (believe me, I do!) but I really, really despise you. All too often you squelch learning in favor of doing, which really just pisses me off.
You ask me to sacrifice sleep for you, fun for you, friends for you, even God for you. You zap my brain of all energy and coherent thought. I sit in class trying to pay attention and simultaneously writing essays for other classes. That is not acceptable. I struggle to stay awake, and I feel the pressure to get a good job and to make money. You tell me that unless I have a 4.0, I'm not doing good enough. Your professors tell me that their class is the most important, but all 6 of them say that! You tell me that I'm on facebook too much, but also not enough. You tell me that I should make school my first priority, but you make it so expensive that I have to work at the same time. Your professors say that my work isn't good enough, and that if I can't do it I shouldn't be here. There are no late assignments, ever, because nothing outstanding ever happens in life that would require me to ask for a reasonable extension, but if I'm not also out "living life" then I'm missing out on the experience. You are the reason my schedule looks like this:
You tell me that I have to sacrifice everything, including my standards and my expectations, especially the most basic of standards like sleep, food, and pursuing God. You have cost me money, and time, and friendships and sleep. You have cost me sanity. You don't adequately equip me for the things you expect of me, and you fail to account for your waste and my struggles. You engage with corrupt politicians, and poor teachers who are here only because they didn't know what else to do. It's a miracle I haven't thrown a brick at someone yet (or through the window). Your administration has no interest in my education, they have interest in their kingdoms and their money, and only costs me everything. You would claim my identity and my soul if I let my guard down.
But I won't do it anymore! I'm going to stand up "against the man" and take as many naps as I want, for as long as I want. I will not be a stereotype or a statistic, and I will not end up on the cover of a magazine for my successes or failures. I'm not going to gain weight, nor will I be affected by an eating disorder. I will not be a partier who flunks out, or that girl who locks herself in the library, only to look back on college wishing she'd let loose. I will not sleep around just because it's college. I will not do what you tell me, college! You will not claim my identity or my life. I will no longer let school get in the way of my learning. You do not own me, you do not define me. You will most certainly not demand anything of me - because you are not my identity. I refuse to let you claim me with your vice-grip.
Dear school, I wash my hands of you. I will pursue learning to the highest standard, but you - I'm breaking up with you. I want to say I'm wishing you well as we part ways, but that's not true. I wish you the most rapid and humiliating of demises. We're through, we're finished, and I don't ever want to hear from you again.
Hugs and Kisses.
K
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