The Woman who has Become a Ghost

There was this woman.  She used to sit outside the Library, just sit there.  She was a beautiful woman.  She had one little red rolling suitcase of all her things, she had one little bag.  She was always in the same shoes, the same beige sweatshirt, the same fleece pants.  She had a smile on her face, and every time I'd see her, she'd greet me.  I saw her a fair amount, sitting on that concrete bench.  She was always willing to share a smile, and a story of the Lord's goodness.  Some friends and I had invited her to church - she came...  Once.  I'd like to think she was a friend.

And then one day, she just disappeared.  I've been looking for her, wanting to say hi, wanting to make sure she was doing ok, to ask her how her job search was going.  But she hasn't even been around for me to ask those things.  It breaks my heart.

Not so much because I can't help her anymore (although that certainly breaks my heart, too), but because I'd like to believe she found a place to live.  That sounds weird I know - and I'm hoping and praying and praising the Lord for it, because if she's found a place to live, that would be one of the most wonderful things the Lord could have done for her.  But I'm also deeply saddened, because I wanted to rejoice with her.  I want her to come back to church.  I want her to come back and say she's found a place and she's doing well and getting back on her feet.  And then I want to rejoice with her!  I want to walk with her, and celebrate the small victories, and help her through the tight and hard times ahead.   To laugh and cry with her, to celebrate and worship the Lord together.  I want to hug her on good days and bad, I want to look forward to seeing her, knowing she'll be there.   I want to talk to her, to relish her dreams and hopes, to grow together as we pull one another toward the Lord in fellowship and friendship.  But she's dissappeared.  I can't find her anywhere - and I've looked.

That's what breaks my heart - that if she's found a place to live, I can't share it with her.  Whether by her deliberate choosing or just by circumstance, the Lord has closed that door.  Maybe for a time, maybe forever.  And I recognize that the Lord is sovereign over all this - truly, He is.  He knows exactly where she is, He knows exactly what's in store for her, and exactly what she needs.  And He knows that, if it's His will, I would like to share my life with her.

Lord Willing.