Regarding Vertigo and Oxygen

I returned from Haiti less than 5 days ago, and I feel like I'm caught in a hurricane.  The vertigo, the mess that's inside my soul is rising to the surface.   The last 2 months of my life have been some of the busiest and most stressful months I've ever experienced, but I'm only just now realizing it. 

The last 2 weeks, however, have made me realize how broken I am.  Haiti was my 7th mission trip, so you would think this whole experience would be nothing new for me.  But this trip was unlike any other one.  The entire emphasis was different.  The place was different, the people were different - but mostly, I am different.  I don't know how many people see it, but I am not the person I was 2 years ago. And that makes this trip vastly different. 

If I am being honest with you, this trip screwed me up.  I sat in the car the other day for 5 minutes and cried before I could even walk into a grocery store.  I am so acutely aware of the blessings I have, of the culture I live in, and of my behavior.  I am painfully aware of how much I need God, and of the many things I have not turned over to Him.  There are scars that have not healed, there is anger and resentment I have not let go of, there is jealousy and frustration.  There are people who have hurt me, and there are people I have hurt - intentionally and unintentionally.  And for some reason, this trip brought almost all of those issues to light - at once. 

This is only the beginnings of my postings about Haiti, so do not be distraught, dear friends, if you wish to hear more - you will. 

Since I've returned from Haiti, I had 18 hours in DC before catching another flight home, then less than 24 hours later my sisters graduation party (which family was in town for).  Then yesterday my sister had a piano recital and a ballet performance.  I am only just now able to finally breathe, and there are many many things that I will continue to post about as I process them.  I have things from my journal I will share with you, and things I will write in the future.

For now, my brothers and sisters, all I ask is that you be patient with me as I sort through this.  Pray with me.  Keep watch with me.  And know that I, too, am praying for you.