Black Smoke

So we did some meditation in my sociology class today.  It was interesting - I've always been intrigued by meditation, and have always thought it might be something good for me.

We spent some time stopping and just breathing, pausing for a moment to clear the chatter from our heads.  I think that's something I need to do more often, especially when it seems like I can't pray, like I can't hear God above all the noise and distractions.  Then we did some meditation to help tap into our compassion center.  We looked around at people and wished that each of them might be happy, heathy, and at ease.  That excersize was easy - ok, I shouldn't say easy, but not extremely difficult.  I try to always be aware of other people's needs, and to be aware of any malicious thoughts or judgements I might have, even toward strangers.

The last part was that we sat and imagined ourselves sitting across from people, and imagined taking on their troubles and burdens.  We did this by imagining us breathing in dark smoke and breathing out light smoke. When my professor explained what the last part of our meditation was going to be I almost laughed out loud.  I thought to myself, if I take on any more burdens, I am literally going to die or implode.  She went on to explain that she wanted us to imagine doing it with someone we loved, someone we felt neutrally about, and someone we really didn't like.  I could barely contain myself at this point.  I thought, there is no freakin' way.  There is absolutely no way.  This is so not something I need help with.  I kept thinking along those lines for another split second and then realized something.  I can't do this.  I can't take on other people's burdens.  I don't have the strength or the endurance or the wisdom. I actually, truly, literally, can't do this.  But God can.  And I need his strength to continue to take on others problems, and to relieve them of it.  I have to change my mentality; I cannot rely on myself.  I must do this through Him.  Without it I am nothing - I am dead.

Why Harry Potter Could Be Good For Christians

I HAVE MIDNIGHT PREMIER TICKETS TO THE NEW HARRY POTTER!! It comes out Thursday night, and I'm pretty much super excited about this.  Like really super excited.  So excited, in fact, that I've rented the fourth and fifth ones (the sixth is mysteriously unavailable...) to watch again before Thursday.  :)

In re-watching the 5th movie (for those who can't remember, it's the one with the Department of Mysteries and the weird connection between Voldemort and Harry), I stumbled upon an interesting realization - Dumbledore, in many ways, exemplifies many characteristics of a quintessential Christian life (minus, obviously, the Jesus part.  Which I suppose undermines "quintessential", but... well, I'll just explain.)  I don't think anyone could argue that Dumbledore is a weak figure. To the contrary, he is one of the strongest people through the series - both in terms of the magic he is able to perform and in the steadfastness of his character. Throughout the novels, he displays a gentle strength unlike anyone else.  His ability to stand up for what he knows is right, and yet also simultaneously display love and respect, even toward those he disagrees with (and towards those who are violent toward him or hurt him), is astounding.  He is never passive, he doesn't simply hope that something will be done, or that someone else will object to what is wrong, but he always seems to take the right course of action. He almost always listens before he speaks, he displays genuine affection for the kids he works with, and the other teachers.  He embraces change knowing that he will adapt, and remain steady in his knowledge of good and evil.  He is humble enough to recognize his weakness (which I'm hoping is something that will be particularly evident in the 6th and 7th movies, as it played such a prominent role in the books), and to ask for help when needed without imposing on others for help when he does not.  In many ways, he lives out the characteristics of a Christian life, lacking only the direction of God. 

I wish there weren't such a vehement outcry by the conservative Christian community against Harry Potter - they truly are well written stories with incredible characters.  Perhaps, in moderation and with the right mindset, Dumbledore could be a wonderful example for many Christians, myself included. 

The Dichotomy of Being

I've always had a hard time sharing my testimony.  Actually, I take it back.  Since my testimony is about 6 months old, it hasn't been "always".  But pretty much since it happened.  Even in the thick of it, I hated telling the story.  I hate the attention - I'd almost always rather listen to somebody else talk about themselves.  I hate how vulnerable I feel.  I hate how whiny and privileged it makes me feel.  I hate re-hashing that pain that led to such beauty.  I really truly hate everything that story represents about me.  But mostly, I hate the attention it draws to me.  I love telling the second half of the story - the part about me loving Jesus.  But the part that led to that is the part I hate.  So mostly, I tell people what is pertinent to any given conversation, and avoid the parts I don't like. 

But, in the last 2 weeks I've shared part/all of my testimony 3 times to 3 different people (which, by the way, has been more emotionally taxing than one might expect).  And all three of those people told me how encouraged they were.  How much they admired me.  And how much they appreciated my honesty.  A couple of those people, interestingly enough, also mentioned my strength... which was odd to me.  But I suppose through God, I am strong... and even though I didn't recognize it at the time, I was strong at the time, because God was in my life, even when I didn't want Him there.

God is reminding me that when I tell my story in His context, my story can be powerful and good in His name.  And if it is my mission in life to glorify Him, then perhaps I need to be more ready to share my testimony.