Alright, I'll admit it, I'm a Gleek. (If you are too, or think you might be someday, and haven't seen the last 2 weeks' episodes, you should not read any further - there are some spoilers!!) I wholeheartedly follow the show. I think it's witty, biting, hilarious, and relatable. I think it deals with important issues, but somehow I walk away from the show feeling uplifted every week. I refuse to make plans on Tuesday nights, so that I can watch the show. I have to remind myself regularly that I really don't need to buy the music the night it comes out, that I really should wait until the end of the first season when they'll come out with a whole album of the music, which will be cheaper (somehow that appeal to logos doesn't overpower my love of good music, and I sometimes give in and buy songs anyways). I think the vocals are fantastic, and the script is original and has started to "push the envelope" with issues. It's a show that I can watch and say, 'hey, that was me in high school! I've felt like that, I've done that, or I've seen that.'
Over the last few weeks, a recurring theme in the show has focused partly on objectifying women, body image, and self confidence. Its an issue that's very near to my heart, as I have struggled with it my entire life, I've watched friends struggle with it, and I've seen what it can do. I fell in love with the boys' new rendition of "What it feels like", with Mercedes' "Beautiful", and with April Rhodes' journey. My heart breaks for them, and soars with them, and I find myself traveling this same journey with them, an invisible bystander who watches with pangs of guilt, remorse, anxiety, compassion, empathy, anger, and almost every other emotion possible. There are many issues that I feel passionately about, but this is one that stands out.
And it was an issue that I thought was progressing well, on a worldy scale, until recently. I thought that, despite the incessant and sometimes unrelenting teasing and attacks on my strongly feminist stance, that people were making progress, that people were aware of the issue, and that many people, both men and women, were working to equalize an unbalanced count of centuries of oppression. Then I met C. He happens to be a guy that I work with (i'm using an initial to protect him, even though I don't really think he deserves protecting…), and he and I disagree on almost every topic you can think of. He regularly attacks me for my religious beliefs, my moral stances on issues, my political views, the fact that I enjoy reading, and the way I think. He takes great pleasure in pointing out holes in my logic, in giving me impossible scenarios, in cornering me, and proving his own intelligence and the black-and-white validity of his own views over others'. He's very good at what he does, and frankly, he sometimes is right. More often than not though, he twists what I say into what he wants to hear, and rarely gives others a chance to fully explain their views. He thinks he knows what he's going to hear before he even asks. Normally, I don't mind. I can stand up for myself, I can handle teasing, attacks, and the endless looks of pity and stupidity from him. I had my walls up, he doesn't know nearly as much as he thinks he does, about me or the world. And nothing he's said has convinced me that he truly is correct, and that I need to repent from my ignorant ways and turn to his cold, harsh, atheistic view of the world. So I let him attack and he takes full advantage. And I don't really mind.
Until this week. This week everything changed. Somehow we got around to talking about body image, in the context of Glee (which, surprisingly enough, he watches regularly). He laughed at my outrage, scoffed at my standards, and seemed arrogantly perplexed when I told him that yes, in fact, the idea that there are people who still think that men and women should not be treated equally bothers me. He then proceeded to tell me that I was, in fact, wrong about what women need. He said women don't need to be told they're beautiful. That women who are more than 5 pounds overweight, who are ugly or who don't fit some beauty standard shouldn't feel beautiful because they're not. He told me that he shouldn't be socially obligated to lie to women about what's attractive (I don't think he's distinguished beauty and hotness yet…), women should not be told they're beautiful, nor should they feel beautiful about themselves if they aren't. He insists that being beautiful SHOULD be objectified, and standardized, and related solely to external attraction. He insists that it's a good thing for people to not have their self esteem "falsely" boosted, that feeling judged and objectified and inadequate and unworthy is a good thing, that it's not ok to tell a woman that she's ok the way she is because in all likelihood there's something wrong with her, something that needs to be fixed before she can be beautiful…. He told me that people are not created equally and that not everyone deserves to be loved. He somehow tied this "falsifying of beauty" to the collapse of America, but to be honest I'd stopped listening by the time he'd gotten to that place in his speech.
I can't express how outraged I am- it's difficult for me to stomach!! It physically sickens me to think of things this way; I didn't let on when he was telling me all this, but I wanted to hit him, and had we not been "on the clock" I would've. I wanted to clock him so hard, to knock sense into him, to tie him to a chair and duct tape his mouth shut and yell and scream and cry at him until he understood. I actually did go home and cry, for what he's failing to see in himself, in everyone around him, and for the hurt it might have caused. I wanted to take all the broken pieces from all the women he's ever objectified and glue them back together. I wanted to explain to him how insanely hard it is to be a girl, how he could never understand how much it hurts, how when people (men or women) objectify and judge other women, it makes ME feel objectified and judged, even if they haven't said one thing about me. I wanted to show him my scars, internal and external, to show him how much pain it can cause, and how much damage it can do. I wanted to make him understand, I wanted to make him feel the way I've felt, the way I know many other women have felt, and then ask him to honestly hold the same stance. I wanted to show him the movie Precious, the scene where she says nobody loves her, and play it over and over again until his heart was shattered for her. I wanted to take a hammer and smash his heart like a mirror, and ask him to put all the pieces back together like women have to do every single day, I wanted to logic with him, reason him into seeing my side but that's the problem that there is no logic to it, it's all about the feelings, I wanted to make him feel it to see it to believe it to hurt it and feel the glory of it when you're no longer restricted by the world's view of you and show him how low and excruciating it can be and how high and beautiful it can soar. I want him to see that all women are beautiful!! But he won't. He refuses to see my side. I want to write him a letter, but I don't know what to say. I want to explain things to him but how does one explain such deep, complex, and vast emotions? How can he ever see my side if he refuses to feel my side?!?!
And so I cry. Because I don't know what else to do.
*Here's the script and a link to a youtube audio feed of the epitome of the last 2 weeks of Glee. Please watch. Or better yet, go to Hulu.com and watch the full episode (if you want to watch just this part, it starts at 33:00)
Mercedes: Hey guys. I'm Mercedes Jones. So most of you know, Cheerios! is about perfection and winning, looking hot and being popular.... well I think that it should be about something different. How many of you at this school feel fat? [Quinn, the pregnant girl, raises her hand]. How many of you feel like maybe you're not worth very much? Or you're ugly and you have too many pimples and not enough friends? [more kids are raising their hands]. Well I've felt all of those things about myself at one time or another. Hell, I've felt most of those things about myself today. And that just ain't right. And we've got something to say about it. And if you like what we have to say, come down here and sing it with us.
Here's the youtube "video" (it's really just the recording)
