This is a beautiful and much appreciated guest post from my dear friend and roomate, Whitney. She is much more mature, articulate, and thoughtful than I, and I am proud and honored to share her thoughts with you. She will be doing a post every day through Thursday, in a series for Valentine's Day.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I expect I’ll feel a range of emotions. As a Christian who is a woman, and single, it’s not always clear to me how I “should” feel on Valentine’s Day, or on other days when I fear that my relationship status is what defines me. Some trains of thought, emotions, and reactions to those emotions clearly do not honor the Lord, and in those I continue to be convicted and by the grace of God, brought to repentance. But if we understand marriage and romantic love as good, God-given gifts that demonstrate the Gospel and bring joy to God’s children, then dismissing or condemning my desire for these things does not seem to honor the Lord either.
We know that when good things, like marriage, become ultimate things in our lives, this is idolatry and sin. Over the past two years, I’ve learned a lot about the place my desires should not have in my life. I’ve learned that when I define my value in the currency of attention and praises of man, there is a serious problem. I’ve learned that when I use my circumstances to judge the character of God, I sin grievously. There are many other ways in which God has shown me the sin in my desires and emotions, and for that I am so thankful. And yet, God has also used my hopes for marriage to reveal beautiful truths about Himself more deeply in my heart. Over the last six months or so, my heart has soaked up knowledge and beliefs about the Lord and these have grown into deeper affections and emotional longings for Him in ways I had not yet experienced.
As certain events triggered pangs of loneliness, God prompted me to dig a little deeper and examine my longing more closely. In the past, feeling lonely was painful, but seemed to be a simple desire that could be satisfied by a simple change in circumstance. I could only feel what was lacking on the surface, and therefore only sought a surface level solution. The problem and the fix both seemed so simple, which made it that much harder to understand why God wouldn’t just “make it happen”.
But my loneliness isn’t a simple, one-dimensional emotion. At times it comes out of insecurity and a fear that I won’t be provided for. At others, it springs up out of a desire to be deeply known by someone and loved in spite of that. As God peeled back the layers of my own heart and hopes, he showed me what I was really searching for, and made it all the more clear Who will satisfy me. By identifying the specific desires of my heart, God’s attributes and promises became all the more soothing and satisfying to me. “Lonely” sought a person, or the idea of person, while “insecure”, “afraid”, “wanting to be known” sought far more than even a good man could ultimately satisfy.
Even though I am single, I still enjoy Valentine’s Day, and love to celebrate the love that God has showered upon me through others and in my union with Christ. So this year, I want to celebrate God in His goodness and love by sharing the specific ways He has proved Himself (yet again) to be all sufficient, and all satisfying. In considering the ways the Lord provides for us, knows and loves us, gives us hope for a future, and unites us to a family, I hope to share just a few of the ways He is glorious and good to His children. I will share some of these thoughts over the next couple of days, and celebrate Valentine’s Day by considering our amazing Lord who loves far better than we can imagine.
When I first considered writing this, I was excited to share what God has taught me; but in the following days I was confronted again with my spiritual weakness, and began to question whether I had any business talking about honoring God in singleness. Even as I write today, I am all too aware of my failings in self-pity and joylessness. If these posts were meant to tell others how to do it right, they would be a fool’s errand. But if I wait until I “arrive” and live perfectly to proclaim the glories of God, I will waste my life. I am weak and foolish, but God is kind to teach and to lead. So, even as I confess my own sin, I will gladly share God’s grace in my life. For today, I will end with this amazing truth:
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
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